Love In The Time of Social Media

Hi everyone,

I haven't spoken to you guys in a while, but I'm back with my two cents on relationships.
It seems like everyone has been ranting and raving about social media and relationships recently, and I guess it's time to give the people what they want!

I was doing some research (like a real blogger if I may say so myself) and asked numerous men and women about their thoughts on having their relationship statuses declared on social media. Some women think it's a fuck up, but majority think that it's cute. Whereas, most guys feel like they are being pressured into doing it after a while into the relationship.

Some people say social media isn't for relationships. Some say it depends on the type of person in the relationship.
Some even say it could harm a relationship; and that got me wondering:
Maybe the new-age public displays of affection isn't the best thing for 21st century relationships?

How does it even work?

What are the rules to this game?

Do you guys date a while until you've reached that level of comfortability with your partner and then post a photo together, whilst updating your Facebook status to "in a relationship"?
Does doing this have a harmful effect on your relationship, whether it be known to you or not?
And, if you're currently in a rocky relationship, will social media make things any better?

In my opinion (which is correct most of the time), social media doesn't really screw up relationships, it's already going up in flames and social media is only adding more fuel to the fire.

People that feel trapped in a relationship are often tempted to cheat as they look through someone new on Facebook or twitter, anything that's much less complicated than their current relationship.
Old flames; ex-girlfriends; mutual friends; girls wanting to get down; you know the deal, they're just easier (or sometimes more convenient) to be with.

Because we are evolving with the world, the art of seduction has taken on a digital form. We have grown so much as human beings that our subconscious has grown as well.
Our minds have a constant update: “Would you like to update your twitter, version 3.4 is available?"
And along with that, so has the way in which we are romantically involved with someone.
We're constantly doing this through life lessons learned largely impacted by being hurt and enduring heartache.
Change and adapt: The world changes and we find ways to adapt to it.
Evolution at it's best, it's what we do.

In this day and age, Facebook, twitter, Instagram, and all the other social networking platforms serve as the modern day form of dating.
Social media has become so popular because people are afraid of face-to-face rejection.
Meeting someone online removes this aspect, which, in my opinion is turning men into pussies.
Now, all the work can be done straight from your phone, so much so that when guys and girls do eventually meet up in real life, it's pretty much a wham, bam, thank you ma'am situation.
It's too easy for guys to ask girls out on a date via social media, which takes away the challenging aspect of it all.

Again ladies, I have to advise you to play hard to get.
Well, not too hard, you may just chase them away.
Just stroke their ego. Don't give them too much or too little. Make them think they're in control.
Give them the power, but you need to hold the gun, you know what I mean?
It's all about how you carry yourself.
Men don't judge you by what you've done because most of us don't know your past, but how you carry yourself is imperative.
But ladies don't get it twisted, when it comes to social media MOST guys are insecure.
Yes babe, he's stalking you and your selfies and your silly tweets.
Just to set the record straight, needed to put that out there, we probably do it more often than girls do it.

The problem these days is that we measure beauty by how many Instagram-likes someone gets, which is definitely steering away from that “old school love”.
Have you ever not liked something to begin with, and then once it gained popularity, slowly you changed your opinion towards it and began to like it as well? (Miley Cyrus, anyone? Hahaha).
The same can be said for physical attraction.
Guys and girls become more attracted to someone that has more attention on them.
This is great for those of you that have difficulty with getting a girlfriend or boyfriend in real life, but it can be a problem for those of you in a relationship.

I'm sure you've all heard the phrase: "It isn't official unless it's on Facebook". For some reason there seems to be an unspoken rule that you need to prove your love for that person by having your love publicly declared in the form of posting photos taken with your significant other, whether it be on Instagram, Twitter, or even a Whatsapp or BBM profile picture.
Instagram seems to be the fastest growing social network at the moment and a popular platform for couples to convey their love for each other (or what they're eating and what they're doing, and of course the now ever-popular 'selfie').

A lot of people post couple photo's as a way to prove to the world that they're not alone any more and they can be in a relationship.
On the other hand though I'd say most couples do it because they genuinely do love each other and want the world to know it, without necessarily realizing that it can have a negative effect on their relationship.

We've all seen it before, couples sucking face; snap snap snap, throw on a filter, and and then show the insta-world how obviously amazing your night was. 
"If its not on insta, you weren't there."
Innocent enough, this is typical of couples and is even cute too, but it also gives people ammunition to gossip about you and your relationship.
Once people start talking, all sorts of rumours about your partner starts to spread and they always get back to you.
We try not to let other people's opinions affect us, but at the end of the day we're all just human, and if you keep hearing the same story from various people, you yourself will begin to believe it and start to lose trust in in your relationship.
Without trust, there is no relationship.
Having said that, I don't think having a cyber-life will end a relationship, it's just making things way more complicated than they need to be.

Let us not forget that social media is also so transparent.
Short of removing people from your life, or removing yourself from that social media platform, you can't really control who likes or comments on a picture of yours.
Being friends with your ex (or someone who your girlfriend knows you were dating or seeing) on Facebook, means inviting paranoia every time he or she likes one of your photos, or retweets one of your tweets on Twitter.
It's not as if you can control what other people are going to do, so it really isn't your fault if she tweets you something for all of the world to see.
But you try telling that to your girlfriend.
All that girls will think is: "Who is this bitch trying to get all up on my man?".
Ladies, please stop me at any time if what I'm saying isn't true.


Flirting over Instagram must be crazy for you guys because there isn't really any private messages and all your communication is public.
'Public' meaning everyone can read it.
'Public' meaning your girlfriend seeing this "bitch" liking, not just one, but at least 20 of the pictures you've posted.
Trust me when I say that if there's even a hint of jealousy, women become expert online investigators, and you can't even imagine the information they can suss out.

Women begin to over-analyze every little detail and will constantly question the faith of their partner. Men begin to lose interest because of the constant pressure and nagging they get as a result of this. In most cases the roles can be reversed too.
Not many relationships can survive this and you guys likely break up.
Pre-judged conclusions will vary and the outcomes are not always the same, but I'm sure many of you can recognize what I'm talking about.

Seeing as I myself don't have Instagram, I had to do some research about it and I've asked others that do have it.
It seems that despite the lack of privacy, they have met someone through Instagram in some way or another.
It started out with them liking a few pictures of someone, then they found them on twitter and followed them, which lead to adding them on Facebook, and bam, you suddenly have a private world for the two of you to communicate through.
Simple.
Both girls and guys have done this and they both know how easy it actually is to do so. As a result, it's hard to hold it against girls who do become paranoid when another girl is giving attention to their boyfriend's public account, simply because they know exactly how easy that road to unfaithfulness can be.

Maybe changing your profile picture or posting a couple's photo on Instagram is a public declaration of your love, which would leave many women smiling, but in all honesty, even through all the Insta-flirting, twitter DMs, and filtered versions of guys and girls, all a girl really wants is to hear cute words said to her in real life.

There's also no point in asking if your relationship would have survived had it not been for the existence of Facebook, because if your partner wants to cheat or be unfaithful, it will happen with or without social media.

You have to remember that happiness isn't one big bang event that just happens.
Happiness is a series of choices; choices that over the years has made you who you are; choices that you've thought through, whether they're big or small, conscious or subconscious.
You make your own happiness.

Oh, and by the way, if you do have an argument with your significant other, please do not advertise it over social media?

Don't bomb everyone else's timelines with sob-stories on twitter? (yes, guilty).
Some girls are guilty of putting their hottest photo up when they're irritated with their significant other, (I think we know why). 
We all want to be treated like adults in our relationships, so let's continue to behave as such when situations don't necessarily go our way.

Remove the unnecessary complications from your life and your relationships.
Make your life simpler.
Trust me when I say it's the best way to be happy.


Mi línea de pensamiento ha pasado - my train of thought has passed.